Despite government unwillingness to confirm or deny the existence of this elite, special forces unit, high level sources who’ve asked not to be identified have told us that the division known as Brand Team Six has been operating since about 2009, from domestic US bases, and is deployed on high value missions, exclusively behind the lines (so to speak). One spokesman who used a creative word-play from the “War on Terror” declaimed, “they are the spearhead for the ‘War on Terrible–‘ crusaders against those forces of big agency and bureaucratic branding who promote the kind of hollow message nonsense that threatens the primacy of the Great American Brand–one of the last areas of leadership our nation has left.”
When a call goes out– from a business adrift, or just some beleaguered CEO who can’t understand why the unique selling idea that has differentiated his brand for decades has been supplanted by TV commercials that feature two dogs trying to jump-start a rabbit, and a tagline like “A Passion to Perform,” the Team will deploy. They are trained to insert by Parachute, Submarine or Reception Desk, secure the #1 brand asset and restore a set-apart brand idea–the kind Madison Avenue used to know how to do– in about one meeting, maybe two. Then they extract undetected through the bar or The Capital Grille, whichever takes American Express.
Sources confirm that while sightings are extremely brief, “you know when they’ve been there.” There are no reliable figures on the size or membership of Brand Team Six. We will keep reporting as information becomes available.